Men who are growing spiritually, emotionally and relationally know the importance of having other men in their lives who can hold them accountable. They also recognize the value of helping other men. Proverbs 27:17 says it well: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (NIV). We need one another in order to be sharp. We also need to realize that every man is sharpened differently.
Accountability is not about asking a list of questions. It’s about being involved in another man’s life. It’s coming alongside other men. Godly men know they need to be accountable, but they don’t always know what that looks like. I’ve been in good accountability relationships and bad ones. I've noticed that the accountability partner has four key responsibilities.
Each job is a skill that must be developed and used at the right time in order to be make the relationship work.
Cheer
The man who makes himself accountable needs to know he is not alone. He needs to feel that someone is on his side. He needs someone to root for him, but not from the sidelines. An accountability partner is right on the field with him.
A cheerleader encourages and should always be genuine in his encouragement. He shouldn’t say “good job” if it’s not merited. Good accountability partners don’t lie or give fake cheers just to boost morale. The right type of cheering always says: “You can get there. Hang in there. With God’s help, you can do it!”
Challenge
A man plateaus at times and settles into a comfortable level. This is when the accountability partner needs to challenge. He needs to help his friend stay focused on the big picture, the vision and the mission. The accountability partner needs to help his friend see beyond his current circumstances. This is a good stage at which to talk about the kingdom of God, the gospel and eternal matters.
An accountability partner should also challenge his friend when it is time for the next step. A man needs courage to go into new territory. He needs to know that taking a leap of faith and plowing new ground is important to his growth as a man of God. Sometimes an accountability partner will help a man see further than where he is and challenge him to shoot higher.
Confront
Confronting a brother in Christ is the hardest job of an accountability partner. No one likes to confront, but when a man is willfully sinning, it is important that we step in and be “our brother’s keeper.”
Confrontation is needed when there is negative momentum. When sin and failures occur they need to be addressed. When a man is hardening his heart or not willing to take the next step, he needs to be confronted over his choices. When a man’s behavior is hurting others, it must be confronted. Confession and repentance are the right responses to confrontation.
Comfort
Every man experiences hurts, wounds, disappointments and failures. But it takes a man a long time to start talking about them. As your relationship grows, your friend will begin to trust you with the deeper things. He will slowly expose the hurts of his heart and his feelings about them. This will require that you learn to comfort and be a caring friend.
