Angry Stuffers and Spewers by Rev. M.D. Rogers

Angry Stuffers and Spewers
"When we're angry we're often tempted to deal with our anger in
two improper ways: stuff it or spew it; or, put another way: hide it
or hurl it. These are two extremes, two ruts on either side of the
road." (Dr David Ferguson)

It's common to become angry and disagree with each other in
marriage. And even though we don't WANT disagreements to happen,
they can actually be beneficial to our relationship (if handled
properly). When we clear the air of misunderstandings and sometimes
misconduct, we can use disagreeable times to help us build bridges
between us to have a closer relationship.

The Bible says, "In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go
down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a
foothold" (Ephesians 4:26-27). "Rid yourselves of all malice and all
deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind" (1 Peter
2:1). "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace
and to mutual edification" (Romans 14:19).

It's not anger itself that's the problem; it's the way we DEAL
with it because of the breakdown of communication it can cause.
Anger is a bi-product of an underlying hurt which needs to be
addressed that we're feeling deep inside. And because hurt is
involved we can become more vulnerable in handling it improperly.
That's where being a "Stuffer" or a "Spewer" comes into view.
Stuffers (hiders) have difficulty admitting that they're angry and
have an even harder time expressing their anger. They tend to
minimize their hurts and are reluctant to share. Why do stuffers
stuff? There are many possible reasons:
· They think anger is sin.
· They are uncomfortable with confrontation.
· They grew up around family members who stuffed their
anger, so they've learned the same behavior.
· They grew up around family members who spewed their
anger and having been the recipient of that pain, they are doing
just the opposite.
· Feelings of low self-worth make them feel as if they're
not worthy of being heard.
· Fear inhibits their willingness to express anger.

Spewers (hurlers) are just the opposite. When they're upset, they
let you know it, and it's usually not pretty. Why do spewers spew?
There are many possible reasons:
· They don't know how to express their anger properly.
· They grew up around family members who spewed their
anger, so they've learned the same behavior.
· Personal insecurities cause them to want to intimidate
others.
So, are you a Stuffer or a Spewer? Prayerfully look at the
situation and ask God to help you to recognize what underlying hurt
you are improperly dealing with in each situation. It's something to
pray about and consider. Refrain from pointing fingers at your
spouse in this, but instead pray, "Search me O God and know my
heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any
offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting" (Psalm
139:23-24).

3 Ways to Become a Great Leader, Husband, and Father | BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

3 Ways to Become a Great Leader, Husband, and Father | BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

Faithful Through The Storm

Jacob's Altars by Rev. M.D. Rogers

Jacob's Altars

While Jacob was still with Laban, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, "I am the God of Beth-el . . . arise, get thee out from this land, and return unto the land of thy kindred" (Gen. 31:13). Answering to the divine call, Jacob set off for the land of promise, but he had many experiences on the way. Laban came after him, but God spoke to Laban before he came up with Jacob, warning him to be careful of what he said to Jacob. The angels of God met Jacob, and God Himself came to him before he met Esau his brother. On leaving Esau, he came to Shechem, and there pitched his tent, and bought a field.
At Shechem Jacob evidently intended to stay, for having purchased his field he built an altar and called it El-elohe-Israel (Gen. 33:20), which means, God, the God of Israel. Jacob's intentions were good, but it seems clear that he had not fully entered into the mind of God. It was Bethel that God had spoken to him of while still in Padan-aram, for had He not said, "I am the God of Bethel"?
The sad story of Genesis 34 is a warning to us of the sorrows that can come through coming short of the purpose of God for us as His saints. God allowed his dear servant to pass through his trials and testings that we might learn from His ways with him. Having allowed Jacob to learn the lessons of Shechem, "God said unto Jacob, Arise, go up to Bethel, and dwell there: and make there an altar unto God, that appeared unto thee when thou fleddest from the face of Esau thy brother" (Gen. 35:1). At once Jacob realises afresh that he has to do with a holy God, for he says to his household, "Put away the strange gods that are among you, and be clean, and change your garments".

Although Jacob had his altar at Shechem, there had been the allowance of much that the God of Bethel could not allow to proceed, and this surely accounts for the solemn and sad discipline that came on the house of Jacob. There was the outward appearance of communion with God in the altar of El-elohe-Israel, but the God of Israel could not tolerate the idolatry that was evidently in the house of Jacob, and known to him. God had allowed shame and dishonour to enter the house of Jacob, and his sons had sought to deal with it in a fleshly way, only to bring fear on Jacob. God has to intervene to tell his servant the way to separation from evil and to divine blessing.

Fathering With Intentionality: The Importance of Creating a Family Culture | The Art of Manliness

Fathering With Intentionality: The Importance of Creating a Family Culture | The Art of Manliness

Confessions of a Youth Minister and 1st time Father: Super Dad has a Day Job and Works Nights!

Confessions of a Youth Minister and 1st time Father: Super Dad has a Day Job and Works Nights!

ONE MAN CAN STILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE! | Black Men In America

ONE MAN CAN STILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE! | Black Men In America

Faith That Lives Ministry Study Group

Join our study Group

Why Is It Always the Pastors Fault? pt.1

Dr. Kevin Shrum

When it comes to church health and life, why is it always the pastor’s fault when things don’t go well at church? Pastors are constantly told that the church rises no higher than its leadership. This is partly true – bad leadership, bad church; good leadership, good church. But it can also be true – good leadership, rebellious church. Why is there no category for bad church vs. good church? Why is the pastor always to blame and not the congregation as a whole? The pastor is also told that they receive a disproportionate amount of credit, so they should expect to receive their fair share of criticism. But we all know that leadership and church life are more complicated than this. Here are some reasons I have observed as to why some in the church believe the pastor is always at fault…

…because sometimes it is their fault. Let’s be honest. Some pastors are to blame for the life and health of the church they pastor. Bad attitudes, laziness, pettiness, and other attitudes and behaviors contribute to the ineffective leadership that causes the church to spiral out of control. So, the pastor is sometimes to blame.
…because we’re easy, public targets. But there are other reasons for the sometimes sorry life of the church that cannot be laid at the feet of the pastor. For example, the pastor is an easy target for the disgruntled and unsatisfied. Who else is there to blame than the one who represents the face of the church? You guessed it - the pastor. It’s hard to blame an impersonal building, a statistical budget or a systematic program. It’s even difficult to blame a group, i.e. deacons, elders, etc. It’s much easier to blame a person, one person, usually the pastor.
…because it’s easy to project on to the pastor one’s own failings. Sometimes the pastor gets the blame because he becomes the screen upon which church members project their own ecclesiastical disappointments and personal failures. It’s often easier to blame others – especially the pastor – than it is to deal with ones’ own sin and/or disobedience.
…because truth comforts and confronts – and people like only half this truth. A pastor who preaches God’s Word will find himself in hot water from time to time because truth not only comforts, it also convicts and confronts. It is perfectly natural to resist this kind of Word-produced, Spirit-induced, conscience-driven conviction. The accusation that the ‘Pastor is getting rather personal’ in his sermons or that ‘he should mind his own business’ becomes the impetus to strike out against the one who delivers the truth instead of allowing the truth to lead us to repentance and continued spiritual growth – shoot the messenger rather than receive the message.
…because there are personality issues involved. The church is made up of all kinds of people with differing personalities. This makes church interesting. It can also produce friction, especially if we expect everyone to be ‘just like me.’ Personality differences should remind us that our unity is found in the person of Christ, not in flattening out all of the personality issues that exist within the church. The pastor may have a different personality than I do, but this should not be a reason to criticize. A personality difference does not constitute a personality defect. God often uses interesting, sometimes quirky, all-the-time willing people to do His will.
…because there are style issues. In addition to personality issues there are also style issues. People do common things in different ways. This is especially true in the church and it is especially true in pastoral leadership. Style differences ought not to produce conflict or criticism.
…because spiritual warfare exists. A serious explanation for the conflict that often exists between the pastor and the church membership can be credited to spiritual warfare. Individuals are accountable for their own actions and attitudes. But we cannot be naïve. Satan and every demon in hell do not want to see the pastor and the people cooperate together for the cause of the gospel and the kingdom of God. The more Satan and his demons can tempt God’s people to turn on each other the more the work of the kingdom of God is inhibited. When conflict comes between the pastor and his flock, most of the time, it can be traced directly to Satanic/demonic temptations.
…because of an unwillingness to submit to biblically authentic leadership/authority. Authority is the new four-letter-word. Yet, the pastor is biblically commissioned to lead the church with biblically prescribed authority. This authority must not be personality-driven or solely positionally secured. Instead, the pastor has authority only in so far as he operates within the parameters of God’s Word and God’s truth. His authority is Word-driven, humbly expressed in proclamation and service to the people he shepherds. However, even with this kind of affirmation of pastoral authority, we live in a world where the autonomous self has reached its zenith and where submission to authority or to be held accountable is unthinkable. When the pastor exercises Word-driven pastoral authority some bristle with contempt. When push comes to shove, the pastor is often blamed for the conflict. Hence the pastor is to blame, but never a stiff-necked people.
…because churches don’t become like they are overnight and they don’t become how they ought to be overnight. When a church calls a new pastor the expectations are high. When things don’t go as expected the pastor is blamed. The pastor did not deliver what was expected. Conflict arises and the pastor is to blame. Again, sometimes pastors are to blame – we can act too quickly and impulsively. However, many times there is a failure to recognize that churches have personalities just like people. These ecclesiastical personalities are not developed overnight and they do not change overnight. To blame the pastor for failure to change the personality of a church overnight, a personality that took years to develop is shortsighted.
…because it makes good cover for disobedience. God’s people can be fabulously faithful. God’s people can also be unbelievably disobedient – ditto for pastors. Like the relationship between Israel and Moses, sometimes God’s people want to kill their leaders to cover their own lack of obedience, sometimes leaders want to dispose of their followers, and sometimes God judges both. Sometimes people use their disobedience as a cloak to criticize the leadership of the church for their lack of commitment.
…because of accumulated bitterness and blame. Finally, sometimes the pastor becomes the target for undeserved and unsolicited blame because of the accumulated sins of God’s people. While it is true that a pastor can make bone-headed decisions, it is equally true that conflicts, bitterness, envy, hatred, jealousy, and sinful attitudes can accumulate over the years that then get poured out on the unsuspecting pastor. Fair or not, the pastor can become the place where people purge the poison of their souls.

In one of my pastorates one particular gentleman in the church was getting the better of me. If I said it was up, he said it was down. If I said it was blue, he said it was yellow. As I read the text for and then preached my message he would sit in the back of the church and nod his head from side to side in negative disapproval. He spread rumors about me, my wife and family. He was disruptive in the church. I was to blame for everything. And I didn’t even know what I had done.

Rule 58: Learn Staple Skills | Electrogent

Rule 58: Learn Staple Skills | Electrogent

Classroom Etiquette for the College Man: How to Be A Gentleman Scholar | The Art of Manliness

Classroom Etiquette for the College Man: How to Be A Gentleman Scholar | The Art of Manliness

Helping Black Boys Become Great Men - The Root

Helping Black Boys Become Great Men - The Root

Children Don't Come With An Owner's Manual : Code Switch : NPR

Children Don't Come With An Owner's Manual : Code Switch : NPR

You Don’t Have to Be Your Dad: How to Become Your Family’s Transitional Character | The Art of Manliness

You Don’t Have to Be Your Dad: How to Become Your Family’s Transitional Character | The Art of Manliness

These are the 10 worst states to raise black children | The Medical Blog

These are the 10 worst states to raise black children | The Medical Blog

Home School Thoughts

Home School

Some thoughts on the future of Christian formation for children (and their parents)

by Jonathan Grieser

I had one of those conversations last week that’s had me reflecting on our assumptions as clergy and churches, the way we do things, and what the future might look like.
A few weeks ago, a family visited the church I serve. We talked after the service and I learned that they hadn’t attended church regularly in a very long time but that all of their children had been baptized and they were hoping to reconnect. Instead of encouraging them to sign the guestbook as I usually do, I gave them my business card and urged them to contact me. They e-mailed me a few days later and we set up a time to meet. In the course of our conversation, they asked about resources I might recommend to them that would help them teach their children about the Bible and Christianity. I told them to check out our Christian Formation program in the fall. We offer Godly Play for the younger kids and use re:form with our middle schoolers. The complication for them is that the family is active in athletics and have events scheduled almost every weekend.
I spent hours researching materials on the web and pretty much came up empty-handed. A plea for help to colleagues locally and to some folks whom I know are involved in Christian Formation nationally gave me some ideas. As I talked to people and as I reflected, it became clear that what I’m looking for is something that will help parents as well as children. While the couple who asked me directly had the guts to do so, I’ve had subtler similar requests from parents who are active at Grace Episcopal Church where I serve.

Many of them are uncomfortable talking about their own faith and I suspect many of them aren’t sure how to talk about faith with their children.
The church and clergy have all sorts of models of Christian education shaping our expectations. There’s the traditional graded Sunday Schools that in a large church would go from toddlers to the aged, with everyone expected to attend every Sunday. There’s the picture of the family at table sitting around as Father reads scripture to an attentive wife and children. Of course, both of those reflect particular historical and cultural contexts. The Sunday School movement is a product of the 19th century; the image of a family reading scripture and praying also a Protestant model from a century earlier perhaps (it depends on literacy and the printing press).
There have been very different historical contexts in which Christian education was attempted and there were periods when the basic knowledge of most Christians was at best rudimentary. Protestant pastors in Germany complained in the 16th century that their parishioners didn’t attend services or catechism classes and that they didn’t know such basics as the Lord’s Prayer, the Ten Commandments, or the Creed.
We’re much closer to that latter historical context than to the idealized image of 20th-century churches with cradle to grave Sunday School. The difference between the sixteenth and the 21st century is that churches can’t rely on the power of the state to enforce attendance or check religious knowledge.

And it’s only going to get worse. One of my clearest memories of my last term of teaching undergraduates a few years ago was a student’s question “Who were they?” after I mentioned Adam and Eve in an offhand comment. With increased secularization and the rise of the “nones,” we can no longer assume that most people who come to our churches will have any basic understanding of Christianity or the Bible. And, as I learned over ten years of teaching Bible at a college in the South, even many evangelical Christians no longer read the Bible regularly or know its stories.

So my question is, What does Christian formation for children look like in this context? The following assumptions are given:

that attendance at services (let alone a second hour for formation) will be affected by all of the cultural changes that have occurred over the last 50 years,

that parents need tools to help them understand the Christian faith and the stories of the Bible as well as resources that will help them communicate those stories with their children,

and that the congregation will not be a primary locus for Christian formation (even if everyone, including parents, thinks it should be).

Durham Exhibit

Teachers of Lyon Park Elementary School 1960's

West-End Durham, N.C.

Tug of War -Rev. M.D. Rogers

Romans 7: 23-25

But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

There is a great tension in daily Christian experience. The conflict is that we agree with God's commands but cannot do them. As a result, we are painfully aware of our sin. This inward struggle with sin was as real for Paul as it is for us today. From Paul, we learn what to do about it. Whenever he felt overwhelmed by the spiritual battle, he would return to the beginnings of his spiritual life, remembering how he had been freed from sin by Jesus Christ. When we feel confused and overwhelmed by sin's appeal, let us claim the freedom Christ gave us. His power can lift us to victory.

Pre-K suspensions target black students | The Black Report

Pre-K suspensions target black students | The Black Report

NIU Education Leader Sees Lack Of Diversity | WNIJ and WNIU

NIU Education Leader Sees Lack Of Diversity | WNIJ and WNIU

Welcome

 If you are new to the blog, welcome! Make yourself known. Go dig around the site and check out the content. I hope you’ll enjoy it. Ask me stuff, challenge me. I don’t have all the answers, but I have an opinion and I’m more than glad to give it. My take is no more important than yours and I look forward to learning from you. I don’t claim to be right or wrong on any topic, I just enjoy the dialogue with you.

These Are the Most Stressed Kinds of Parents | TIME

These Are the Most Stressed Kinds of Parents | TIME

California Newsreel - ZORA NEALE HURSTON: JUMP AT THE SUN

California Newsreel - ZORA NEALE HURSTON: JUMP AT THE SUN




 Zora was surrounded by proud, self-sufficient, self-governing black people, deeply immersed in African American folk traditions. Her father, a Baptist preacher, carpenter and three times mayor, reminded Zora every Sunday morning that ordinary black people could be powerful poets. Her mother encouraged her to "jump at de' sun," never to let being black and a woman stand in the way of her dreams.

California Newsreel - HOMEGOINGS

California Newsreel - HOMEGOINGS




In the African American experience, death is often a defining moment and the Homegoings celebration is an important primary ritual for this rite of passage.

My spouse and I have a lot of unresolved conflicts which are driving us apart. What do we do?

My spouse and I have a lot of unresolved conflicts which are driving us apart. What do we do?

Focus on the Family: Helping Families Thrive

Focus on the Family: Helping Families Thrive

Dr. May on Faith that Lives Ministry

Rev. M.D. Rogers

"There has never been a time in our culture when ministries like this one are so badly needed. And Faith That Lives is just the type of ministry to start such a program. I have known Rev. Michael Rogers and ministered with him long enough to say with joy and conviction that he is a man of tremendous talent, dedication, and integrity. His skill as a Christian thinker is well developed, his gifts of communication are clear, and his heart to build Christ's kingdom and not his own are evident."  Dr. John G. May

Think On This..

When joblessness is combined with high rates of incarceration and premature mortality among Black men; it becomes clearer that there are fewer marriageable black men relative to black women who are able to provide the economic support needed to sustain a family.”

The Shepherd by Rev.M.D.Rogers

• 

  The Shepherd"
  
  "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." Psalm 23:1
  
  
  Who is your shepherd? A shepherd is one who leads his sheep from
  place to place and pasture to pasture. Is the Lord your shepherd
  this morning? Is He the one who is leading you along life's
  journey? Is He the one who leads you day by day in the way you
  should go? Is He the one you are following? Or is something or
  someone else your shepherd? Are you led by your emotions, the
  opinions of others, by your financial needs, by your family or
  friends? Do your possessions lead you? Are you following your own
  lust, fleshly desires, agenda, plans? Is fear your shepherd- fear
  of failure so you keep being lead by it in a direction contrary to
  the way you should go? Do bondage and addictions lead you?
  
  If you are following anything or anyone other than the Good Shepherd-
  the Lord Jesus Christ- you will be led in the wrong direction.
  Instead of being led to "green pastures"- a place of rest,
  abundance, growth- you will be led into lack, greater burdens,
  deeper bondage. Instead of being led to "still waters"- refreshing,
  peace, healing- it will led you to dryness in your soul, confusion,
  and despair.
  
  The focus in the verse should be on "the Lord"- "THE LORD" is my
  shepherd. If you are following Him, you can never go wrong, you
  will always be going in the right direction, you will be growing,
  fruitful, protected, strengthened, find joy and contentment. You
  won't be struggling and in confusion about which way to go.
  
  Examine your walk today. Look closely at it and see who you are
  following, what you are following. Is it truly Jesus? Or is it
  another "shepherd". If it's not the Good Shepherd, then you need to
  stop following it and start following Him. There is a benefit to
  following Him- just read the rest of the chapter.
  
  Have a great day. Who is your Shepherd?

4th. of July 2014

Good Advice

Former U.S. President John F. Kennedy received endless advice and criticism from the media concerning how he should run the country. Much of it he took good-naturedly. In fact, he often used a favorite story in response to the media's comments about how they thought he could do a better job.
He told about a legendary baseball player who always played flawlessly. He consistently hit when at bat and was never thrown out at first. When on base he never failed to score. As a fielder, he never dropped a ball and he threw with unerring accuracy. He ran swiftly and played gracefully.
In fact, he would have been one of the all-time greats except for one thing - no one could ever persuade him to put down his beer and hot dog and come out of the press box to play! Most of us can empathize, for we all have people in our lives who criticize and second-guess. They are quick to point out flaws and quicker yet to offer advice.

Sometimes it's just hard to rise above the dumb stuff. To look the other way when foolishness rears it head. To turn a deaf ear to lies and innuendos.  And when the dumb stuff, foolishness, lies and innuendos are directed it you, then it is even more difficult to keep your wits about you and avoid the "oh hell naw" moment. I'm guilty! I admit it! So, I guess that's why an unknowing colleague sent me (and others) the words of wisdom below. In sharing with you, I hope that you too will find the strength to Rise Above & Fly Like an Eagle!