Angry Stuffers and Spewers by Rev. M.D. Rogers

Angry Stuffers and Spewers
"When we're angry we're often tempted to deal with our anger in
two improper ways: stuff it or spew it; or, put another way: hide it
or hurl it. These are two extremes, two ruts on either side of the
road." (Dr David Ferguson)

It's common to become angry and disagree with each other in
marriage. And even though we don't WANT disagreements to happen,
they can actually be beneficial to our relationship (if handled
properly). When we clear the air of misunderstandings and sometimes
misconduct, we can use disagreeable times to help us build bridges
between us to have a closer relationship.

The Bible says, "In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go
down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a
foothold" (Ephesians 4:26-27). "Rid yourselves of all malice and all
deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind" (1 Peter
2:1). "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace
and to mutual edification" (Romans 14:19).

It's not anger itself that's the problem; it's the way we DEAL
with it because of the breakdown of communication it can cause.
Anger is a bi-product of an underlying hurt which needs to be
addressed that we're feeling deep inside. And because hurt is
involved we can become more vulnerable in handling it improperly.
That's where being a "Stuffer" or a "Spewer" comes into view.
Stuffers (hiders) have difficulty admitting that they're angry and
have an even harder time expressing their anger. They tend to
minimize their hurts and are reluctant to share. Why do stuffers
stuff? There are many possible reasons:
· They think anger is sin.
· They are uncomfortable with confrontation.
· They grew up around family members who stuffed their
anger, so they've learned the same behavior.
· They grew up around family members who spewed their
anger and having been the recipient of that pain, they are doing
just the opposite.
· Feelings of low self-worth make them feel as if they're
not worthy of being heard.
· Fear inhibits their willingness to express anger.

Spewers (hurlers) are just the opposite. When they're upset, they
let you know it, and it's usually not pretty. Why do spewers spew?
There are many possible reasons:
· They don't know how to express their anger properly.
· They grew up around family members who spewed their
anger, so they've learned the same behavior.
· Personal insecurities cause them to want to intimidate
others.
So, are you a Stuffer or a Spewer? Prayerfully look at the
situation and ask God to help you to recognize what underlying hurt
you are improperly dealing with in each situation. It's something to
pray about and consider. Refrain from pointing fingers at your
spouse in this, but instead pray, "Search me O God and know my
heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any
offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting" (Psalm
139:23-24).