By Rev. M.D. Rogers
Having pastored for the past 15 years, I have had the opportunity
to face many challenges. My greatest challenges have come from
dealing with the emotional side of leadership. The school that I
graduated from prepared me for the spiritual and physical dynamics of
ministry, but I was unprepared for the emotional challenges inherent
in leadership. Leaders in ministry carry an overwhelming load as they
combine the weight of responsibility with a sincere compassion to
help hurting people. Many in leadership face burnout or breakdown,
feeling that they are alone in their struggle for survival in
ministry.
The following are six of the emotional difficulties I have dealt with
as a leader. My hope is that as you read them, you will connect with
some of your own leadership emotions and find encouragement and
practical application on how to be a better leader.
a.. Criticism
Every leader is going to be criticized. It doesn't matter how
certain they may be that their decisions are reflective of God's
will, they will be criticized. The philosopher Aristotle
observed, "If you don't like criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be
nothing." If you are convinced that your destiny is to do something--
to make an impact in this life--then eventually you will be
criticized.
For ministers, the most difficult aspect in dealing with criticism
is that usually we cannot defend ourselves. When people criticize us,
they can distort the facts. However, ministerial ethics force us to
keep quiet, as we are unable to disclose what we know. So we must
keep quiet and move on in love.
When faced with criticism, we must ask ourselves, "Is this
criticism legitimate?" I've had to answer this question more than
once. Sometimes I've found that the particular criticism was
legitimate and other times it was not.
Criticism can be constructive, and we must be mature enough to
check ourselves to see if changes need to be made. First, we must
separate our emotions from the criticism before we can judge fairly.
We can ask the Lord to search our hearts and to give us wisdom
concerning any complaint.
Defuse criticism with prayer and blessing.
Next, we pray for the person who criticized us, asking God's love
to surround him or her. When we bless someone, we take away the
ability for that individual to hurt us. "Not rendering evil for evil,
or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye
are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing" (1 Pet. 3:9).
b.. Unforgiveness
Pastors have numerous opportunities to be unforgiving, but as we
grow, we learn to pass these up. Years ago, a lady in our church
caused me great difficulty. She had the ability to stir up strife,
and she utilized her gift proficiently. In addition, she enjoyed
having power. She possessed that "in your face" style of
communicating. One day, she and I had a frank discussion. I told her
it was obvious she was unhappy with the leadership of our church and
I believed it would be wise for her to pray and ask God to direct her
to a church where she would be happy. I told her I would be praying
that she found such a place. She eventually found another church
family.
Three years after she had left our congregation, I was attending a
conference in a convention center with 20,000 other people. With no
intention of locating anyone in particular, I spotted this lady in
that crowd. Out of 20,000 people, somehow I focused on her.
Instantly, I felt a rush of anger. I couldn't believe the emotional
turmoil that had welled up inside me. It had been three years and I
thought I had dealt with any emotions associated with that situation.
Immediately, God spoke this to my heart: "I will not let you hide
those things that you have not truly dealt with." I needed to make
some changes, and with God's help, I was able to resolve the bitter
feelings through forgiveness.
Those you've helped the most are often the ones who hurt you.
Have you noticed that it's often the very person you've poured
your life into who decides to leave the church? You've spent hours of
time praying for them and with them, counseling them and possibly
helping in financial ways and then they tell you that the Lord is
leading him or her to a different church. It is the person's right to
choose to leave. Now you're left with the opportunity to react in
unforgiveness. The normal reaction would be to respond in an immature
manner. Your heart feels unappreciated and this opens the door to
unforgiveness. However, leaders don't have the luxury of wallowing in
bitterness and unforgiveness.
It's impossible to perpetuate an ongoing attitude of
unforgiveness and experience God's blessing and fruitfulness at the
same time. Furthermore, we know that we're going to reproduce what we
are in our followers, so we need to be a leader of forgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn't always happen in an instant. Give yourself time,
but start today.
c.. Self-Pity
Self-pity is a result of two common habits: first, when we compare
ourselves to others; and second, when we compete with others. When I
start comparing or competing, I end up feeling discouraged because
there are always those who are further along or better than I am in
certain areas of life. 2 Cor. 10:12 "...and comparing themselves
among themselves, are not wise."
Surely, there isn't a profession more proficient at comparing and
competing than pastors. Pray for them. That's the best cure for
bitterness and unforgiveness. Taking the moral high ground to pray
for your "competitors" keeps you in the place where God can minister
to your heart.
As a pastor, you must beware of comparing your church with others'.
There will always be a church with a larger attendance, a larger
sanctuary, a larger youth ministry, and a larger income. You may get
discouraged if you hear that a pastor friend had a larger Easter
crowd than you had, or if another church bought a bigger piece of
land than you bought. You can't judge your own ministry by comparing
it with another's. Seek the Lord for wisdom to know how you can
produce fruit in God's Kingdom. Our purpose in ministry is to further
the Gospel and build up the Body of Christ. Our purpose is not to
beat out another church and be able to brag about our Easter
attendance.
d.. Fear of Failure
The fear of failure must be avoided if a leader desires to
experience growth in his or her personal and professional life.
Ministers commonly face this fear, being apprehensive about making a
mistake. "What if I make this move and discover that it wasn't God?"
In my own thought life, I have learned to respond to this question
by admitting that people have seen us do many things that didn't
work. A pastor making a mistake periodically isn't going to surprise
his people. Accept the fact that mistakes will be made; this will
reduce a great deal of the fear that plagues your mind. After you
make a mistake, just try again. "For a just man falleth seven times,
and riseth up again" (Prov. 24:16).
A primary reason why it is easy for our church to try new things is
that I am not afraid to make a mistake. For example, we started a
Saturday night service a few years ago. While the staff was casting
the vision to the congregation, someone asked, "What if it doesn't
work?" I answered, "Then we'll stop doing it." A similar situation
occurred when we went to two services on Sunday morning. A church
member wondered, "What if no one shows up to the early service?" I
answered the same as before.
I am not afraid to miss it in life or in ministry. I believe that
change is a natural characteristic of leadership, and I accept the
fact that mistakes go hand in hand with change. We can miss God as
easily by doing nothing as we can by moving forward. The most
effective leaders are willing to risk failure to achieve success.
What risk do you need to take right now?
e.. Fear of Rejection
A fear of rejection begins to plague us when we seek to draw our
security from the crowd. As long as we seek to draw our security from
our people, we are unable to lead them into God's security.
Many fear that if they are not acting like the rest of the crowd,
they will be rejected. What crowds are you afraid might reject you?
For some, that crowd is their congregation. For others, the crowd is
their peers, while others fear rejection from businesspeople in the
community. Some people avoid doing something out of the ordinary and
rising above the status quo because they fear the rejection of
others. We must realize that to be accepted by God means that people
will sometimes reject us. There will be people who do not like you no
matter how well you hear God's voice. Jesus is the prime example of
this fact. Remember when the people tried to throw Jesus off a cliff
after He proclaimed that the Spirit of the Lord was on Him? (Luke
4:29) Although He was doing God's will, people weren't satisfied.
Rejection is a part of life. We cannot afford to let it ruin our
life, or to keep us from stepping out in faith.
Recall what Jesus said to Paul, that life-changing moment when Paul
was converted on the road to Damascus: "(I am) Delivering thee from
the people, and from the Gentiles, unto whom now I send thee" (Acts
26:17). God wants to deliver you and I from the people He's sent us
to, so that we don't have to fear rejection from them. We can't be
afraid that church members will leave, or that your staff will go
start another church. These things can happen, but we can't live in
fear.
Address the fears you face. Identify those areas that cripple or
paralyze you and tackle them. Start by honestly bringing these before
the Lord in prayer. One of the best characteristics a person can
develop to overcome fear is perspective. The ability to see people
and issues in light of eternity will change your life. One million
years from now as we worship the Lord, those issues we face today
will have a slightly different value. Having the discipline to see
what is around us with the perspective of eternity will give us
confidence in the presence of fear.
f.. Loneliness
The job of a leader will be lonely at times. Leading means you are
out ahead of the crowd--and that is a lonely position. All presidents
have experienced the loneliness that accompanies their job. The day
that the Gulf War began, President Bush walked the gardens at the
White House for hours, agonizing over the fact that his decision
would cause the deaths of many people. That day, he learned the
loneliness of leadership. Abraham Lincoln, feeling the weight of
leadership he carried alone, would get up in the middle of the night
and walk the streets of Washington.
When I teach at a conference, one of my main objectives is to help
build relationships between the pastors. Ministers often feel that
there is no one out there to talk to. When the pressure hits and they
make decisions without adequate support, they sometimes find those
decisions to be fatal to their ministry. Simply building friendships
with other pastors can alleviate some of the feelings of loneliness
and the costly errors it can cause.
I remember how desperate I was for the advice and encouragement
from other, more established pastors when I started pastoring a small
church out in west Texas. I reached out to another pastor for
understanding and advice as to what could be done to save my rapidly
failing church. "Don't you remember what it was like to be a small
and struggling church?" I asked. "No, and I hope I never do," was his
answer. His response is part of the reason I am so inspired to reach
out to help young pastors today. If through my experiences I can help
someone--if we as a group of pastors can encourage and teach others
by our successes and failures, then the Body of Christ will be made
stronger. Today, let me encourage you that you are not alone, and
that the difficult emotions so common to many leaders can be worked
out by the grace of God.
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