can your child tell you anything, no matter how bad it is..

by: J. B. Thomson

Let me be more specific: Can your child tell you anything without you losing control? Can they trust you to listen and to respond lovingly, even while showing disapproval? Be honest now. Do you fly off the handle and start jumping to conclusions, or do you control your emotions and respond like a sane person?What if your child came to you and said:I am gay.I dropped out of school.I’m pregnant.I hate you.I want to live with my dad (or mom).I’m dating someone of another ethnic group.I’m married.I’m changing my religion.I’m moving in with my boy/girlfriend.I’m not graduating.I used your credit card or bounced your checks.Most parents say they would be level-headed and try to understand the situation. However, these same parents end up cursing, shouting, and giving ultimatums. In the end, the child says, “I knew I couldn’t tell you” and vows to never share anything with the parent again.My husband and I see this all of the time. As spiritual leaders in the church, young people come to us for help and to make confessions. Some of them need help telling their parents a secret they’ve been carrying for years. After speaking separately with the parent and with the child, we arrange a meeting together. Our role is to offer the child a safe place to explain the situation without the fear of the parent “going off.” We also help the parent put the child’s confession into perspective. In the big scheme of things, dropping out of college is not the end of the world, neither is getting pregnant out of wedlock. We don’t condone these behaviors, but we don’t condemn the person either. Who are we to judge? We believe our responsibility is to speak the truth in love and to guide with wisdom. After all, we have all made mistakes and strayed from the right path at some point in our lives, unless you are one of those perfect parents who never did anything wrong.Personally, that’s not me. As my daughter gets older (she’s only 5), I pray for patience, wisdom, and understanding so she knows that no matter what, she can come to her parents and tell us anything. Even today when she makes a mistake and asks, “Mommy can I tell you something?” I try to remain calm and assuring to her. Punishment might be the result, but regardless, I try to make sure she knows that she is loved. I know things will get more challenging as the years go by, and she will not always come to us like she does now. But, as her parents, we have to do our part to make home the safest, most loving place available, where she truly believes that she can tell her parents anything. BMWK family, can your child tell you anything, no matter how bad it is, without you losing control? Do you offer your child a soft place to fall in times of trouble?